Thursday, 17 January 2013

Stop second guessing yourself.

Credits to Sonia Derian for her highly inspiring post in 

Good things and bad things come out of getting hurt. Good things like..... okay I'll get back to you on that one. But bad things? Yea, I've got an alphabetical list in my pocket. I carry it around just in case someone asks.

Recently the one thing I have realized I can't seem to shake off from the whole drama of getting put out like yesterdays trash is the new gift of self doubt I have acquired.  Now for those of you who do not know me, self doubt is a new thing in my life. A parting gift of some sort from my ex. Bugger always knew how to make an impression.

I find myself slightly less confident with my. In the past, my intuition was all I needed. Now I wait and see. I find it hard to trust myself to trust something or someone else. After all, the person I thought would never lie to me, did. And thus, I am left in a world where I wonder how good my judgment actually is.

But I am a fighter.

Reading and talking to people has made me realize that even the most seemingly confident people around me struggle with second guessing themselves. I guess I've been one of those "cocky (or stupid)" ones that do not feel like she needs to second guess. I'll take it as it comes, has always been one of my mantras. One day at a time.

So these are some ways I am dealing/overcoming this new gift which I cannot return.

1.  Trust.
Making a decision sometimes forces you to grow in areas where you’re not comfortable. When you second guess yourself it’s usually because of that discomfort. But it’s important to remember that change happens incrementally. Even if you’re not seeing an obvious positive result yet, it might be coming. And your broader intentions led you there for that reason.
2. Choose a new thought.
Stop entertaining the idea of having made a wrong decision. There is no power in that. Instead, know that things are working out for your good and that you are learning and growing while you find your bearings.
3. Assess what you’re learning.
Because we are always in a state of flux, there may very well be things you will do differently the next time. Ask yourself, if I had to do it over, what would I do differently? And then congratulate yourself because this is how new behavior is born! You can’t learn if you’re not playing the game.

4. Get comfortable with mistakes.
There is such a thing as grace. Time gives us an opportunity to fix all sorts of things we think we may have screwed up. There is power in simply letting things go and deciding to re-evaluate them at a future date.
Ask yourself “What if I did make a wrong decision? Is it okay for me to have made a mistake?” And then let it go. Getting comfortable with making mistakes could have entirely been the lesson! But we are always making the best decisions we have access to at the moment.

5. Finally, go easy on yourself.
Like a friend of mine likes to say, “Life is a hard hat zone. We are always under construction”.
You are not who you were yesterday and you are not who you will be tomorrow. So, make peace with that. Life is full of second chances. We are always in a state of evolution.
In learning how to walk, you had to crawl first, and maybe you wobbled and skinned your knees a few times. But eventually, you found your bearings and trusted your stability. As tiny as you were, you were able to stand straight and put one foot in front of the other as you moved forward.
Not so far off from what it’s like as an adult.

Credits to Sonia Derian.

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